Catchy quotes and catch phrases

Here are some quoates and catch phrases that i have heard, found, or came up with my self.

Quotes to make ya laugh

"When you earnestly believe you can compensate for lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do."

Any organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

"Consulting: If You're Not Part of the Solution, There's Good Money to Be Made Prolonging the Problem"

"Meetings: None of Us Is as Dumb as All of Us

Don't piss in your pants just to check if your fly is open."

The problem with climbing the corporate ladder is the shitty view. All you see is the ass above of you, and those behind you only see the ass above them.

It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.

the follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

Who were the beta testers for Preparation A through Preparation G?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

Why do women shave off their eyebrows, then paint them back on?

Do bald people have 'bad head' days?

What does Queen Elizabeth sing during the British national anthem? "God Save Me"?

If all is not lost, where is it?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe him, but if he tells you that a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a "whack"?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

If Jesus was Jewish, what's he doing with a Mexican name?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Why do they sterilize the needle for a lethal injection?

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it a hostage situation?

Famous last words

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Jim Harkins

Inscription on a tombstone:
"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

Seen in Ashland, New Hampshire

Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"

"Deep Thoughts"

And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts, in living color, you're about to see another first -- an attempted suicide.

Christine Chubbock, who shot
herself during a broadcast

I think you're right, Wyatt. I can't see a god damn thing.

Morgan Earp, american police,
finally accepting his brothers refusal
to believe in life after death

What we know is not much. What we don't know is enormous.

Pierre Simon de Laplace, french astronomer

Oh Lord, forgive the misprints!

Andrew Bradford, american book-publisher

I wonder why he shot me?

Huey P. Long,
governor in Louisiana, was murdered.

Give back everything to....

Peter the Great, Tsar of Russia

Shoot Walter! Shoot like it was the devil.

Wilhelm II, King of England,
to his hunting-partner who missed the deer.

"Why not, why not, why not."

"Why not?" and "Yeah."

The last words of Timothy Leary

Let me think... I wonder if an anvil will drop like an apple?

Said to be the last words of Sir Isaac Newton

Goodbye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Last words of George Saunders

I drank what?

Said to be the last words of Socrates

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

(The real) last words of Socrates

Don't disarrange my circles!

Last words of Archimedes [sp?]

Why yes -- a bulletproof vest.

James Rodges, murderer, on his final
request before the firing squad

Go away... I'm alright.

Last words of H. G. Wells

...the fog is rising.

Last words of Emily Dickinson

Now comes the mystery.

Last words of Henry Ward Beecher

Friends applaud, the comedy is over.

Last words of Ludwig von Beethoven (the comedy wasn't his life, he was refering to the ministrations of a priest, who his family insisted on letting in to perform the last rites for Beethoven, who was an atheist)

Drink to me.

Last words of Pablo Picasso

I am about to -- or I am going to -- die; either expression is used.

Last words of Dominique Bouhours,
French grammarian

And now, I am dying beyond my means.

Oscar Wilde, sipping champagne on his deathbed

More light!

Last words of Goethe

Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing.

Georges Danton, to his executioner

What is the answer?...

[Silence]

...In that case, what is the question?

Last words of Gertrude Stein

God will pardon me. It is his trade.

Last words of Heinrich Heine

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

General Sedgewick, killed at the
Spotsylvania battle 1864, imprudently
looking over the parapet at the enemy lines

And now I am officially dead.

American politician, removed the oxygine-tube from his mouth.

Don't worry! It's not loaded.

Terry Kath, rockmusician, played russian roulette.

To many buttons to button and unbutton!

The last words of an illustruos unknown

"Waiting are they? Well let'em wait!"

When told by his doctors the angels were waitng for him.

General Mad Anthony Wayne

Either this wallpaper goes, or I do!

Oscar Wilde on his deathbed

Where did all these damn indians come from?

General Custer :)

We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed.

The Optimist

For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate.

Monsieur Meursault in "The Stranger"

"Such is life."

Ned Kelly

I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man.

Che Guevara, facing his assassin

"Your time will come to follow me Jew"

Adolf Eichmann just before his execution. Said to Rafi Eitan the Mossad agent who captured him and brought him to Israel for trial.

"Gideon's Spies" by Gordon Thomas

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